Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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