I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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