I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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