So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
