my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im on a boat
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