Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize