He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
