Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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