I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
