He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
