Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
