So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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