Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
