u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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