So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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