i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
