Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
