i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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