are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
