Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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