Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
