First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
