He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
