Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
