and next time when you feel me up, do it right
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
