Jerry, you need to find god
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
