allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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