Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
