Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
