I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
