im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
