I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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