whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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