look no pants
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
