Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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