so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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