My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
