She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
