what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
