dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
