Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
