shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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