I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
