dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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