I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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