I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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