I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
