Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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