You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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