I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
