the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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